An not so fun truth about my Tantric community in Sweden

The problem I have with transformational retreats, medicine ceremonies, and even living in Tantric communities...

Is the little to no emphasis on how to actually integrate the experiences you've just spent weeks, days, or even months having.

I speak a lot about my old community and how much I loved it, how much it did for me—and all of that is true.

But like a birthing mother who is flooded with hormones of love once her baby is born, there's a chemical reaction that forgets the pain of labour.

When I left Ängsbacka, it was like the labour of my new self.

A labour with absolutely no support or guidance afterward.

The truth is, when I left Sweden, I had just spent seven months being looked in the eye when people spoke to me.

Minimum three-breath hugs every time I greeted someone.

Speaking only in deep authenticity, about truth, depth, and meaning.

Eating every meal in loving community or quiet communion with nature.

Surrounded by people who were on a mission to heal, grow, and expand, or help others do the same.

Then I got on a plane to meet my old friends in Italy.

And I was a mess.

Five friends had dropped me at the bus stop after the morning meeting. The entire community had given me a "love shower" that morning, a tradition for arrivals and departures, where you're showered with spirit fingers - Bring it on again style.

Landing in the airport, my first time in seven months in a crowd of everyday people, I was utterly confronted.

The check-in woman didn't look me in the eye, didn't smile, and I could feel her unhappiness and disconnection to her life. Something I'd never been able to do before.

I was so shocked, I went into a state of shock and separation.

That Italy trip with my old friends ended up being one of the most disastrous holidays of my life.

You have to understand, I used to be a wild party girl who knew nothing about spirituality.

And now here I was, sober, uninterested in small talk, wanting to sit under the moon in quiet contemplation.

My friends understandably didn't understand me.

But at the time, I couldn't understand why.

Couldn't they see I was more me than I'd ever been?

I felt alone, cast out, and ostracised.

To this day, there are friendships from that trip I still haven't repaired. Which still hurts my inner 20-year-old who thought she was wrong sometimes.

It took me years to integrate the woman I became at Ängsbacka into someone who could live in Melbourne…

Who could still be spiritual, tantric, and deeply conscious, while also navigating a supermarket without a meltdown.

And that's because I had to do it alone.

The community didn't provide a care package, or check-in.

Nothing. Just… “Bye now, good luck.”

There's something to be said for autonomy, yes.

But there's also something negligent about helping someone birth a new self, and then disappearing.

So, should you go on a transformational retreat, or drink medicine, or live in a conscious community?

Yes. If your everyday life is so deeply stuck in routine that you need the snow globe to be turned upside down.

We need altered states, we need to step out of routine to gain access to what is possible.

But what we don't need is to come back to our old lives and burn everything down because we don't know how to bridge who we were and who we've become.

One of the best pieces of integration advice I heard came from Layla Martin's 7-day Tantra retreat:

Don't make major life decisions while you're here.

Let the dust settle first..

That same day, I overheard someone breaking up with their partner by the pool…

So why am I telling you all this?

Because I run transformational retreats. Am I doing myself a disservice?

No. My retreats are fucking epic.

But, after mine, I also hold three integration calls over the months that follow.

Because I've been the woman who left a retreat changed, but completely alone.

And I won't let that happen to my people.

I've seen a gap in this space.

A gap between the self that seeks transformation and the changes we want to actually live.

That's why I created my 6-month mentorship: Self Love Legacy.

It's for women and femme babes in transition.

From one identity to another.

Who want support and hand-holding, but also space to integrate.

Last year, I did market research to ask what women wanted in a mentorship.

Almost everyone said: only 2 calls a month.

I was surprised. But when I looked at my friends' lives - work, family, social, wellness, spiritual, sexual - it made sense.

And I thought about my younger self, fresh out of Ängsbacka.

Would it have helped to be in a group of others also walking the path of change?

To have practices to do on my own terms, a coach in my pocket, community and care?

Fuck yes, it would've.

So I built that.

This mentorship is not about blowing up your life.

It's about bringing the change with you.

So your friends and your partner feel it.

So your decisions aren't rushed.

So your growth is stable, not chaotic.

So, are you ready to create a Self Love Legacy that lasts?

💌 Applications are open now.

Book a free discovery call to see if this is your next step.

And yes, there's also an optional retreat (in Melbourne or Sweden) to add some snow globe magic to your steady change. 🌹✨